Is your soul weighing you down?July 1 - 9am
Don’t worry, “The Soul Storage Company” will help you out. “The Soul Storage Company’s patented De-Souling™ technique actually allows its clients to have their souls removed, whether permanently or just for a little ‘mental vacation.’ After a simple and painless outpatient procedure, you will walk out of our doors unburdened, leaving your soul behind in our secure, state-of-the-art storage facilities.”
The site lets you read all about the “procedure”, read testimonies from “real life” patients and even view examples of what different people’s souls look like (blobs of colour with a suspicious resemblance to spray can on Microsoft Paint, apparently).
You can register for free, but beware that if you do you “relinquish custody of your soul.” Obviously, I took the liberty of registering, which turned out to be as easy as entering my first and last name, favourite colour and favourite movie. (Although, I don’t know if it was my real soul they captured since I lied about my last name and said my favourite movie was “Armageddon.”)
What I got in return was a congratulatory certificate featuring a picture of my soul in its online storage container, as well as the following extremely helpful email:
You have uploaded your soul to The Soul Storage Company http://thesoulstoragecompany.com/storage-utility/a00hub/. Here at The Soul Storage Company, we offer another exciting possibility: the opportunity to try out someone else’s soul! Whether you’re interested in experiencing the soul of a British guitarist, a Russian poet, or a New York media mogul, our specialists can help you select the perfect new fit! You can peruse our on-line Soul Catalog http://thesoulstoragecompany.com/catalog/, and then make an appointment for a soul rental procedure at our Roosevelt Island location in New York City. Learn More http://thesoulstoragecompany.com/about-us/.
The Soul Storage Company
My soul is now available for rent in the “soul storage catalogue,” but don’t worry, by renting someone else’s soul, you will absolutely not BECOME the other person. The company also provides medication to ensure that your body does not reject the new soul, which I’m sure can be purchased for a very reasonable price.
Wow, I guess they mean it when they say the internet is a place where you can find anything and everything… Not convinced that’s such a good thing now, actually…