The Big Wedding – Worst. Movie. Ever.March 6 - 8am
You know those movies where there are all those really famous actors but you’ve never really seen much advertising for it and you wonder why?
But you think it must be good because all those really good, really respected actors are in it together?
And then when you watch it and it’s absolutely terrible so you think all those actors must have run into some money troubles and were forced by some big scary Hollywood loan shark to make it or that they owe someone a favour or they lost a bet? Well, this is one of those movies.
Robert De Niro. Susan Sarandon. Diane Keaton, Amanda Seyfried. What the hell were you thinking.
Then there’s Katherine Heigl. With the worst haircut I have ever seen. That one I understood because apparently everyone in Hollywood hates her so I’m surprised any of the above wanted to be in the same movie as her.
Topher Grace. Oh poor, poor Topher Grace. Did you know there’s a website called What Happened to Topher Grace? I have a soft spot for him because of That ‘70s Show (best show ever), but he just hasn’t managed to become a super famous movie star like he should have. So he had to settle to being in a really, really bad movie with stupid Katherine Heigl and some other guy I’ve never heard of.
Oh righto, I just noticed I haven’t even told you what this stupid movie is about. At this point I’m not sure if I should bother. But maybe my scathing review will make you want to see it just to see if I am right, or to see if I am totally wrong. I’m not.
The movie is about an adopted son’s wedding at his dad and step-mother’s house. Here’s the catch (there is more than one). His step-mother (Susan Sarandon) was his adopted mother’s (Diane Keaton) best friend, who had an affair with her husband, the adopted dad (Robert De Niro). So there’s one set of drama.
His biological mother comes to the wedding, and apparently she is devoutly Catholic so the adoptive parents have to pretend they are still married for the wedding weekend (yeah right. Like anyone would actually do that). So cue unresolved feelings, gross old people love scenes, total racism against the Coloumbian biological mother, and of course a happy ending for all involved.
Heigl and Grace play the adoptive son’s siblings, the biological children of De Niro and Keaton. Heigl has some daddy issues that somehow get resolved by the end of the movie even though I wasn’t entirely sure what the issues were in the first place, and she is also having drama with her husband who, phew, shows up just in time at the wedding.
Original. Grace plays a 29-year-old virgin who, lucky him, gets his rocks off with his adoptive brother’s biological sister, who just happens to be a mega babe. Lucky she liked him aye.
Oh and there is a fourth arc with the adoptive son’s fiancee’s family too. I’ll keep that one a surprise.
It’s just all ridiculous.
Not funny at all.
It’s boring. It’s long. Katherine Heigl’s haircut is GROSS.
And it all wraps up far too nicely and unconvincingly at the end.
Don’t see it. Just. Don’t. Promise?